"everywhere is the same exact place when you're alone. it's who you're with that makes somewhere mean anything at all... -JasonReeves
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And i would fly into the night against the spinning of the sky if i could see you smile in the morning light... -Jason Reeves
"Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it." -J.K. Rowling
Pain isn't a negative thing; it is an indicator that lets us know what needs to be adjusted and realigned. -Jill Chambers
We want healthy relationships, but we need consistent reminders of how we can obtain and maintain them. We must first adjust our mirrors so we can see clearly, and properly assess what is going on around us.
There are so many analogies that can be used to describe relationships, but I feel that one of the most effective examples would be to liken these interactions to driving on the highway, or just the way we drive in general. Our hopes of having healthy relationships are closer than they appear. Driving too quickly Here is a subject I haven't mastered on any level, but I guess that's why I am the right one to talk about it, because it comes from experience, not just wisdom. When we drive too quickly, we may miss important signs and signals, or just not see those who are in our blind spots. It is the same way with relationships, if we are always in a hurry, we may miss the signs that are telling us there is a detour, or a dead end up ahead; we also put those around us in danger, because we may cut them off, or even crash into them. This doesn't mean that we can't drive at a decent speed, it just means that we need to be more considerate of others and not self-consumed. We are not the only ones on the road. We are not the only ones in a rush. We are not the priority at every moment. Selfishness can be likened to driving too fast, bottom-line; we are in for a rude awakening if we don't slow down and pay attention to those around us. Driving too slowing We wouldn't usually put this in the category of being hazardous to relationships, but it actually is just as dangerous as driving too fast. Driving too slowly on the highway causes congestion and traffic. It also puts you and others in an unpredictable, awkward situation, because people will try to swerve around you, or will have to veer off of the road, because they didn't know what you would do next. If we hesitate out of fear, we miss valuable opportunities to grow relationally. It isn't necessarily about getting everything right or trying to be perfect, but it is the humility and resilience that will make any relationship flourish. Stopped and shouldn't be stopped This is not the same as driving slowly. If we are stopped, we could get hit even faster than those who are actually moving. Relationships are the same way. If we are paralyzed because of mistrust, bitterness, pride, or horrible memories, every experience will be mistaken for past ones. It isn't right to have paranoia or anger towards new relationships, because of the betrayal or upsets of the previous ones. Break down, steadily breaking me on down Here is a subject that is sensitive. Breaking down is totally different than driving too slowly or being stopped on the road. There are several factors for why our cars may break down. We may not have consistently gotten the necessary tune-up and oil change. Our tires may have blown out because we didn't put air in them, get them aligned, or they may have been punctured by some unseen debris on the road. Whatever the case may be, it causes us to break down. When we don't deal with past disappointments, hurts, and fears, we sabotage our future relationships, because we will put unrealistic expectations and false hopes into every moment and experience, and when we are let down, then we break down. Sorry, no one is exempt The crazy thing about relationships is that even the healthiest person can be blindsided. The difference though is that they get back on the road, or at least attempt to. Don't get me wrong, the healthiest people can have a season where they may break down, stop, slow down, or be angry that something like this could ever happen to them when they were doing everything the right way, so they recklessly drive too fast. When we realize this is a process, we won't be as rigid and hard on ourselves, but recognize, we have to forgive ourselves and others in order to maintain a healthy outlook and functional relationships. Go, Stop, Slow (signs and signals) If you tell me you are going left and you go right isn't there a problem with that signal. Signals are meant to direct us and keep us aware of what is going on in front of us. If you look at the light and you think it is green but it is really red, you're going to be in trouble, because you are going to be hit by oncoming traffic. We need to remember to keep our relationships simple. In the words of my grandmother, "Why must we be in such bondage?" Signs and signals are meant to help us, so we need to use them! It is so easy, but we like to maneuver around them, ignore them, avoid them, or just be in control at every moment. Whether signs annoy you or you could care less, they do cause traffic to flow. It won't make things happen faster, but signs and signals are there to let us be free, because they have the boundaries already mapped out for us, so all we are required to do is drive.
'The three ingredients that make a relationship successful: humor, commitment, & undying love.' -Bill Cosby Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man but coaxed downstairs a step at a time. -Mark Twain
It is easy to have the idea that we will get over something, or learn the right way instantaneously, but it is a process, and unless we confront our dysfunctional habits, we will never be able to exchange them for healthier patterns that produce liberating hope and change rather than cyclical dysfunction and confusion. Old, familiar habits can be likened to the people John Nash believed he was seeing and hearing, that were well depicted in the movie, A Beautiful Mind; they were his reality for so long, but over a process of time, he began to learn how to coax them downstairs, one step at time. We must first get rid of the passivity and complacency that hinders us and stunts our development. When we have the truth in front of us, we have two choices, to let it free us, or continue to stay in the bondage of denial and familiarity. Robin Norwood throws a few curve balls out at us that make us honest with ourselves and our actions:
If we are in a pattern of unhealthy habits, these statements conflict and confront the way we have been living and interacting with others, but they are meant to free us from the behaviors that are detrimental to us and those we are in relationship with. I recently read an article by Anna Harris that gives relational advice that may be beneficial, and prevent us from developing any habits that hinder growth in our relationships. We all want healthier relationships, but just like a garden, we must cultivate and nurture that which produces life and health not decay that withers.When we plant and water healthy relational patterns, that is what we will reap and vice versa. Never act out of desperation, it's a weak emotion and it produces weak results. -TonyGaskins
I love being resurrected (awakened & alive), especially when my dreams felt numb, & on the verge of rigor mortis, but hope keeps beating... -Barikasmiles
Truly fertile music, the only kind that will move us, that we shall truly appreciate, will be a music conducive to dream, which banishes all reason and analysis. One must not wish first to understand and then to feel. Art does not tolerate reason.
-Albert Camus We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.
Albert Einstein |
“I am the most curious of all to see what will be the next thing that I will do.”
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