There are so many analogies that can be used to describe relationships, but I feel that one of the most effective examples would be to liken these interactions to driving on the highway, or just the way we drive in general. Our hopes of having healthy relationships are closer than they appear.
Driving too quickly
Here is a subject I haven't mastered on any level, but I guess that's why I am the right one to talk about it, because it comes from experience, not just wisdom.
When we drive too quickly, we may miss important signs and signals, or just not see those who are in our blind spots. It is the same way with relationships, if we are always in a hurry, we may miss the signs that are telling us there is a detour, or a dead end up ahead; we also put those around us in danger, because we may cut them off, or even crash into them.
This doesn't mean that we can't drive at a decent speed, it just means that we need to be more considerate of others and not self-consumed. We are not the only ones on the road. We are not the only ones in a rush. We are not the priority at every moment. Selfishness can be likened to driving too fast, bottom-line; we are in for a rude awakening if we don't slow down and pay attention to those around us.
Driving too slowing
We wouldn't usually put this in the category of being hazardous to relationships, but it actually is just as dangerous as driving too fast. Driving too slowly on the highway causes congestion and traffic. It also puts you and others in an unpredictable, awkward situation, because people will try to swerve around you, or will have to veer off of the road, because they didn't know what you would do next.
If we hesitate out of fear, we miss valuable opportunities to grow relationally. It isn't necessarily about getting everything right or trying to be perfect, but it is the humility and resilience that will make any relationship flourish.
Stopped and shouldn't be stopped
This is not the same as driving slowly. If we are stopped, we could get hit even faster than those who are actually moving. Relationships are the same way. If we are paralyzed because of mistrust, bitterness, pride, or horrible memories, every experience will be mistaken for past ones. It isn't right to have paranoia or anger towards new relationships, because of the betrayal or upsets of the previous ones.
Break down, steadily breaking me on down
Here is a subject that is sensitive. Breaking down is totally different than driving too slowly or being stopped on the road. There are several factors for why our cars may break down.
We may not have consistently gotten the necessary tune-up and oil change. Our tires may have blown out because we didn't put air in them, get them aligned, or they may have been punctured by some unseen debris on the road. Whatever the case may be, it causes us to break down.
When we don't deal with past disappointments, hurts, and fears, we sabotage our future relationships, because we will put unrealistic expectations and false hopes into every moment and experience, and when we are let down, then we break down.
Sorry, no one is exempt
The crazy thing about relationships is that even the healthiest person can be blindsided. The difference though is that they get back on the road, or at least attempt to.
Don't get me wrong, the healthiest people can have a season where they may break down, stop, slow down, or be angry that something like this could ever happen to them when they were doing everything the right way, so they recklessly drive too fast.
When we realize this is a process, we won't be as rigid and hard on ourselves, but recognize, we have to forgive ourselves and others in order to maintain a healthy outlook and functional relationships.
Go, Stop, Slow (signs and signals)
If you tell me you are going left and you go right isn't there a problem with that signal. Signals are meant to direct us and keep us aware of what is going on in front of us. If you look at the light and you think it is green but it is really red, you're going to be in trouble, because you are going to be hit by oncoming traffic.
We need to remember to keep our relationships simple. In the words of my grandmother, "Why must we be in such bondage?"
Signs and signals are meant to help us, so we need to use them! It is so easy, but we like to maneuver around them, ignore them, avoid them, or just be in control at every moment. Whether signs annoy you or you could care less, they do cause traffic to flow. It won't make things happen faster, but signs and signals are there to let us be free, because they have the boundaries already mapped out for us, so all we are required to do is drive.
- Green means go
- Red means stop
- Yellow means slow down
'The three ingredients that make a relationship successful: humor, commitment, & undying love.' -Bill Cosby
6 essentials for your soul mate
by Dee Ann Merriman
What do you want in a soul mate?
To date successfully and manage your relationships effectively, you must have a clear vision of yourself and others. One popular method to define that vision is to create a list of the qualities you want in a soul mate — a list that gives you a perfect guideline to use for your own self-inventory.
1. Values. You want someone you can believe in, someone you can trust. Can you count on him to do what he says? Can you trust her to do what’s right and always be there? What about you? These shared values form the basis of a lasting relationship.
2. Emotional health and maturity. To have a lasting relationship, it’s important for both people to be emotionally healthy and mature. Does he have a positive attitude? Does she like herself? What about you? When you and your mate are at peace with yourselves, you won’t need others to make you happy.
3. Financial responsibility. No, money can’t buy love, but you’d be amazed how much trouble financial irresponsibility can cause. Does his career provide a lifestyle you’re comfortable with? Does she handle her money wisely? What about you? Think about this one carefully.
4. Physical appearance and fitness. We all want someone to whom we’re physically attracted, and we want someone to be physically attracted in return. Does she take time to care for her appearance? Does he eat and exercise to stay fit? What about you? Remember that first impressions count!
5. Communication skills. Lasting partnerships depend on open communication that allows both people to share their thoughts, concerns and dreams. Is she assertive in communicating her thoughts? Does he shrink from confrontation? What about you? You want someone who’s willing to develop good listening and communication skills.
6. Confidence. Confident people radiate a glow that inevitably attracts us. Does he have strong self-esteem? Has she taken responsibility for her own life? Even the most tender of partners should bring strength to a relationship.