INVISIBLE PART 5 "THE MAN SHE LOVED"
written by Marini Barika Facey
Sophie smiles at her grandmother Elizabeth but Gwendolyn looks at her mother with disdain, and still wonders why her mother would keep so many secrets from she and her father. Gwendolyn is puzzled and bitter, especially because her mother hid something so important from her, the fact that she has a twin brother! Why would she separate us at birth? Anger rises in Gwendolyn's chest; she knows her father would have loved to have a son as well. Why would she take that from him, from us?! Gwen doesn't dare quarrel and stir up trouble again, especially since Sophie pleaded with her earlier for time with her gran mere.
Elizabeth senses what Gwendolyn is thinking and can endure her daughter's deafening disappointment in her, if it ensures Gwendolyn never finds out worse things that are much more damning and damaging. Elizabeth's otherworldly body glows and sways as she broods over Gwendolyn and Sophie. The more she remembers, the more her mind drifts, and haunting, daunting memories from her past are unearthed.
Smoke filled room...
Quiet.
Dim!
Oh, one I love, I never meant to have these opposing thoughts, because I believed in you! I have been a naive, doe-eyed wife, but finally the fog of denial dissipated. I found out your secrets, the truth about you, so please forgive me for not being naive anymore!
For sanity's sake, I make myself put a positive spin on how I view you, which may be my own state of denial. Today I will be enthusiastic, even though my mind will always play devil's advocate, because it knows who you really are.
Here's a toast to the one I love!
You are probably out saving the world or drunk as hell! You used to rush and push anyone over if they got in your way, but because all eyes are on you now, you make it seem as if you are considerate towards others.
You are so studious and well-learned. Oh, but you say you must excel, because of the high position you now wield. I am to be understanding and forgiving when you are gone all hours of the evening and morning, while you are out enjoying the company of women, but I must give you credit; you are always considerate enough to remember to bring back a present for me...the stench of their perfume and the haunting echoes from their whispers and laughter.
You love being passionate and getting people excited to be on your side, but when you speak to me, you are always gracing me with your cold silence and harsh words. You are so assertive and confident in public, but the one I am privileged to see, is aggressive and hostile towards me.
Women of all ages come up to me and say, "Don't you just love him?! We love him so much!" I laugh and say to myself, "Oh my dear, I wouldn't let you have him, or even introduce you to such hostility and misery! I wouldn't even wish him onto an enemy!"
Oh, I remember the time a beautiful, young girl came up to me and said, "It is probably so invigorating and wonderful to spend time with him!" I whispered to myself after she left, "His heart is cold! His pride is set! His hatred is poison! Don't fall in his net!"
Oh don't worry my love, I will still wave and smile, because no one knows it drips with bitterness...I didn't ask you to save the world! I didn't ask you to walk the old lady across the street...or to be so darn studious, even your eyeglasses are as blind as you! You are so passionate.
You are so assertive.
You are so confident.
You are so charming.
You are so persuasive.
Enough! I cannot take it anymore! I didn't ask you to be these things, because you are already these things by default! You don't necessarily have to cultivate anything or even have a conscience; you choose to be numb and detached! You shrug your shoulders and avoid anything I ask or simply request! Instead you say, "I am already 'that way', and how dare you accuse me!" Your corruption begs to differ as it follows you like stray animals through these doors! Our house now has the putrid scent of deceit! All I've asked, pleading with you for is love, loyalty, humility, honesty, and to be wise, but you refuse!
This doe-eyed girl has lost sleep waiting for you to show up, and these dark circles can't be hidden very well for much longer! My honesty has been considered a lack of respect, so you always take it upon yourself to put me in line, but makeup cannot conceal everything! You should be startled and concerned, because what I've lost now is the most important thing you need; it was even coined your asset once! ...My tears have dried, not one can drop, and the silence is the sound of my empathy that has stopped!
In my attempt to not be like you, I have become you! I am numb and detached!
I smile and wave at the crowd! Oh and I've even mastered the art of persuasion and easily being able to change the subject very well! We are made for each other!
Wait, I forgot, you made me! I am like one of your "mad men" now!
I go home alone, wipe off my mascara, and wipe off every fake smile! You are still out, but I do not care much anymore! I live in this big, fancy house with big, fancy curtains, and I have the best company in the world now...your stray animals and the stench of perfume!
Here's a toast to the man I love!
I light a Camel and put ice in a glass. What will I have this time? Brandy? Scotch? Anything on the rocks, because that's where I want to drown! I used to drown in tears, but those have dried up! I crash into this big chair surrounded by exquisite mirrors and fancy paintings, but every time I crash into this chair, I wish it was sharp, jagged rocks, and the depths of the sea, because it couldn't possibly be colder? It couldn't possibly be more painful?
I guess I should get up and turn out these lights, because you aren't coming home! I am the cigarette in your mouth, which once gave you so much pleasure, but now that it's useless, you flick it away! I am your cigarette, crushed and all the light has gone out of me...
Elizabeth finally hears Sophie calling her name repeatedly, "Gran mere. Gran mere. Gran mere! Are you alright?" "My dear! I am sorry. I couldn't hear you. Don't worry or concern yourself my little Sophie." Elizabeth tries to muster up a smile for her granddaughter, but her exhaustion begins to uncover her mask. Gwendolyn stares at her mother and the look in Eliza's tormented eyes, reveal a thousand secrets that have been so carefully concealed. For the first time, Gwendolyn lets go of the past for a moment, and she feels something she has never felt for her mother, pity!
To Be Continued!